A Slice of Humble Pie

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not lack." -Psalm 23:1

Before I even begin, it's important for me to note that this is not something I would normally publicize.

Too often, do I find myself more jaded and cynical than I would like to admit that I am. 
[Can I get an AMEN!?]
Yet, it is in those times, and in those moments, that Jesus-in His loving, merciful manner- quietly reminds me that He is my Shepherd, I am His Sheep, and I shall never lack.
 The Man and I have spent a larger portion of this year unemployed to one degree or another. He has been given steady, yet in a way sporadic, work as a art assistant and set designer, while I have juggled a multitude of part time jobs providing us just enough income to squeak by month to month. 
That doesn't bother us.

It is in those moments where funds are running low, the milk in the fridge has clearly gone awry, rent is right around the corner, and thank you LA City Parking for the two glorious new parking tickets, that I begin to hyperventilate, turn red, stomp my feet, and exclaim in my 3 year old self that surely this will be the moment when Jesus stops loving me and doesn't come through.

Forget the time that we had to shell out $350 for The Man's car and an unexpected paycheck for...$350...came through the same day. Or how about the time when The Man prayed for work and [literally] in the middle of our prayers, a friend called him for a job. Or what about the time that I decided to clean out my work bag after 2 weeks of not touching it and found an anonymous envelope addressed to us with $200 cash enclosed in it...the very amount we needed for an outstanding bill?

Did I mention I was sheep? Just a dumb, stubborn, sheep...far too willing to pull the wool over my own eyes.

Well...today I find mysef in the same story line I have been in so many times before. We are low in funds, and the man hasn't been given work in over a month (it's the slow season for the entertainment business). 
And what do I do?
Panic, of course.

It's funny because last night, just before bed, The Man laid down and began reading to me out of a book about prayer. The particular chapter was focusing on the Lord's prayer:
"Our Father who art in Heaven, 
hallowed be thy name...
...give us this day our daily bread..."
If we are honest, we have our daily bread. If I opened up our refrigerator right now and showed you it's insides, you would find bread. It was then, last night, while focusing on that line alone, that I realized how small my faith truly is, and how quick I am to think that God has forgotten about me. So, last night, just before drifting to sleep, I prayed a simple prayer:
"God...please...please just change me." 

This morning, The Man woke to 3 days of work.
...But there was a problem...
The three days of work (of course) fell on the exact days that both of us will be in a wedding. 
While wrestling through the different options, disagreements arose, tempers flared, and I found my stubborn sheep self digging my...hoofs?...in in an attempt to prove my point(s) to him. 
Finally, emotions calmed, forgiveness was asked of and given, and just as The Man opened up our front door to head out for a run...
An envelope fell inside.
Filled with just the amount we needed for today's "bread."
And no. I am not kidding.

Thank you Jesus that you are the good Shepherd. Thank you that you have called me your own.
Thank you Lord that you never fail.
You always feed me...

Even when it is a simple slice of humble pie.